Beautiful Culture Shock: What is it good for?

During a university course called Gender, Utopia, and Human Nature I created the perfect utopian society called Cataclan. Philosophically based on socialist principles Cataclan society had zero crime, a high standard of living, superb educational system that focused on “we” not “me.” Everyone served in the military including women and there was no formal government that dictated what was best for everyone. After presenting Cataclan to my peers, I waited for the onslaught of questions faulting what I thought was a near flawless society. To my surprise, three questions were asked and they all were inquiries about how I came up with my ideas which I gladly stated, “Scandinavia!” To my surpise, nearly ten years later I am living in a society which closely resemble my Cataclan, but real.

Finland has been named one of the happiest places on earth for four consecutive years due to its’ low crime rate, high standard of living, and superb educational system. In addition, Finland is one of the best places for natural beautiful with pristine forests and an abundance of crystal-clear lakes. Finns enjoy low pollution levels and the cleanest tap water in the world. you could call this a utopia right?

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One night I sat at home feeling very anxious and unnerved, so I decided to go for a walk in the woods. In the distance shining brightly among the darkness of night was a lamp post. The air was crisp and fresh with little wind blowing and a hint of dew in air. It was refreshing, but as my eyes focused closely towards the light my emotions intensified to an overwhelming sense of isolation and heaviness as I thought, “I am alone and scared.” This moment was an absolute oxymoron. Anxious, alone and scared in Finland; one of the most peaceful, beautiful, and happiest places on earth. WTF!?!?!

Happy Shock to the System

If you thought or are thinking that my moment was culture shock…your correct! I would have never thought about it having traveled almost around the world to several continents. Of course I’ve had the occasional “I miss my family” at Christmas or “damn, I wish I could have been at that birthday party.” This hit a little different so I decided to do what my German “misses” told me to do which is research.

The 5 stages of culture shock are: honeymoon or tourist, distress or crisis, re-integration, autonomy, and independence which all appear at their own pace depending on the individual. In the particle, “Adapting to a new culture; what are the 5 typical stages of culture shock?” Praise Attitudes says that it takes people a few weeks to reach the distress or crisis stage for frustrations to start setting in and the feeling of loneliness, anxiety, disappointments, boredom…etc to set it. And boy did it set in for me.

Just to be clear, I was far from depressed or wanting to harm myself. The most evident symptom was boredom due to being unemployed here. Let’s be real you can watch only so much YouTube. Over time though, the loneliness set in as I made attempts to integrate into society by attempting to converse with the general public. As I listened to Finnish everywhere I started falling in love with the language and wanted to speak. With failing attempt after attempt to remember small words like “ole hyva” (ol-ay who-va) or “you’re welcome” I would get pissed me off which made the connection to Finland and people feel like a daunting task. It wasn’t just the language that disconnected Finland and I, it was a small variety of things that kept Finland at arms length including the culture itself.

Shocking Subtle Differences

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Turku Castle, est. 1280

The biggest difference I’ve noticed between Finnish and American culture is their strong sense inner confidence! In Finland, the word “sisu” is used to define Finns and their character. It can be roughly translate as strength of will, determination, perseverance in the face of adversity. As described by my friend Mari, other Europeans often find Finnish people cold, distance, and possibly aloof but it is far from the truth. Rather, throughout Finland’s history, the country has rallied like a band of David against Goliath’s to gain it’s independence. Suomaliainen (Finnish) know who they are and what they want; respect for one another and their space.

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Turku, Aura River

If you’re American, most likely you’re reading this and saying, “well, I respect other people” plus “I am strong willed” and you’re correct but, Finnish culture expresses their independence quit different though. While here in Finland, I’ve noticed that people have the general understanding to “keep their distance” in as a sign of respect. For example, I walked into a clothing store and it took almost three or four minutes for the cashier to said hello. After 10 minutes of looking around I left without a “Moika” (muy-kah) or goodbye as she was thoroughly putting away inventory in the middle of the store. It wasn’t as if she didn’t want to assist me it was since I didn’t ask for her help, I didn’t need it. Twice I went out to eat and only spoke with the server to order, after we got out food and to pay. But, when she said goodbye she had one of the biggest smiles through her mask! 🙂 On the other hand, it’s very common to see Finnish people eating alone at a restaurant too. Finnish culture focuses on everyone respecting the time and space of others by letting people to themselves. A general understanding people are more than willing to help, but you will have to ask for it first in comparison to the bombardment of “can I help you with something” as you try to find a pair of pants. Think of it this way, how many times have you had to wait for someone serving you at a restaurant or something and thought, “if this motherf#$%r don’t hurry up…what is taking them so long?” after waiting less than two minutes? Yep, I know you get cause I see you smiling!

Another big difference is noise. Finland is one of the most quiet and peaceful places I’ve ever been to. Think about what is was like walking around your neighborhood when lockdown’s started in early March of 2019. The silence and emptiness as if you were living in the Will Smith movie “I Am Legend! That is how it feels for me although people are every where doing going thru life. For the first couple of weeks almost everyday I was jumping in fear because I didn’t hear someone come up from behind me. I swear, Finns are ninjas! Once, I flinched with a balled up my fist after an elderly lady rode her bike a little too close to me. She came from no where because I didn’t hear her at all. To further illustrate, it’s been almost 8 weeks and I have only heard 3 kids screaming in public. Seriously, I can not remember hearing people screaming or talking loudly outside of my daily walk by the primary school playground. Seriously, you rarely hear horns honking, bass from a car with loud music, or people talking loudly into the speaker of their phones; at least not from a Finn!

Porvoo Countryside

Living in Finland has been a gift; stress free from tons of distractions, opinions, drama, and the every day rigors of living in the chaos called America but turned into a curse very quickly. Being amongst straight forward reserved people in a peaceful place began to feel like living in a space station and only talking with the onboard computer. Although I knew that people were friendly and I was in a great place, my emotions told my mind, “gotcha bitch” and sent logic it’s walking papers and allowed all my emotions to take over. I’ve been down this road many times and even as I sit hear, I still can’t believe all I had to do was one thing…

Stop!

Reserved, quiet, and calm society coupled with the fact that I know 2 people in this ENTIRE country made the perfect recipe for culture shock, but something kept telling me to dig deeper and find out why I feel so afraid. What was I in fear of? What was life trying to tell me?

Fear – 1. an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm. 2. be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or harmful.

Is fear good or bad? That’s not the best question because it’s not about good or bad rather about what we do with it. It’s a natural and healthy emotion. Fear is a powerful and meant to be harnessed so we may become stronger. For example, think of the first time you learned how to ride a bike without training wheels, or drove a car by yourself. Better yet, think about the first day at a new job. Despite being anxious or having this small amount of fear of something happening we kept doing over and over again to a point where we just don’t think about it anymore. Like you, I’ve had many fears come and go and thought this would past like the rest, but it didn’t. And this fact displays that It wasn’t fear that I felt that night instead it was the worrying that was crippling me and sending me down a dark whole.

“It’s okay to be afraid that something will or won’t ever happen.” as said by Katherine Schafler in her article “The Big Difference Between Fear and Worry.” On the otherhand, when we don’t learn to build a tolerance and understanding, that’s when we debilitate ourselves and become worried! This was my problem. I worried too much!

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I think a lot and for those that know me, know I talk to myself all the time. Whether thinking or talking I am always in my head. This is not bad, but like most things it should be done in moderation which I do not possess. Most of the time I stop thinking when I have many task to do, projects to build, or games to play. In other words, a lot of distractions. Coming from a society filled with distractions to a country of peace and quiet was the cure. It was a trigger. I could hear my worries even more and they went through the roof. More importantly, I’ve realized that although I’ve built a tolerance for “going” abroad suddenly, I never built the proper coping skills for “living” abroad. Hence, it was time to STOP surviving and start living.

Start.

The first part of overcoming any challenge is acceptance. I could have never move forward without accepting the fact that my head was all the way fucked! Not that I was crazy, but that I was knocked out of sorts. Hence, I broke out my journal and started to note down how I was feeling throughout the day, what were some triggers to feeling down, and what things made me feel better. After about two or three days of writing I started recognizing that I began feeling nervous in the afternoon. Furthermore, I didn’t like sitting in the apartment for long periods of times, and liked cooking at night. In the afternoons I would return my office to work a little more, take an afternoon walk to the woods, or stop down in Helsinki to walk around and take photos. Anything to make sure I was not sitting and my mind was occupied in the afternoon hours from 4 to 6p. Lastly, I began to look up healthy recipes with 5 ingredients or less to try out. My spaghetti is BANGIN! If I’m around you should try it out or try it yourself here

The real break through was after taking a trip to Porvoo, a small town that has been preserved since medieval times. It could have also been the 10mi walk to and from the hotel to the city center everyday that got me out of my head! But, I did enjoy a day on my own. It was comforting to walk around while snapping photos of a variety of a new places. A sense of independence and confidence began to assure my heart that I was ok here in Finland on my own and I could in fact “live” in Finland without anyone’s help. By accepting that I was struggling I started noticing the patterns that made me feel good and bad to which enhance my ability to consciously look for positive aspects of what I was doing and do them. In response I changed the false “myths” and/or assumptions I was feeling and began enjoying the peace and quiet of Finland and started to feel the “susi” inside of myself. My worries were only in my head not reality and there was only one thing left to do…

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Old Town Porvoo, est. 1380

Continue!

After being diagnosed with anxiety and living with it for over 20 years, I thought that I would have conquered it by now. I haven’t and it’s ok. I’m learning to accept the innate fear that is in every human and finding ways to cope with the senseless worries that keep my mind active in the wrong direction. I will keep learning and exploring my mind holding on the understanding to tread lightly, look around and be in the moment. To encourage myself to walk into new situations with open curiosity and learn from the many inevitable and wonderful mistakes I’ve made and keep moving forward. More importantly remember what Katherine Schafler writes,

“Fear is powerful and any power can be harnessed positively. Worry is weak and can’t be harnessed productively.”

Hence, I’ll tell my worry warts to “kick rocks!” and enjoy my journey in Finland and across the globe which is worth more than my destination.

Bon voyage

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