the next chapter: traveling back through time to now

Photo taken by Omarr jon Oree II

Have you ever stood somewhere looking like a deer in headlights trying to figure out what you wanted, between this and that? Or made your choice resulting in that nagging feeling, “did I make the right decision?” Recently these questions have been popping up in my head when I have been with friends discussing my next trip. I notice small gestures of affection from wives, husbands, and significant others while trying to figure out who is going to go get the little one so they don’t barrel roll down the stairs or shoot their sibling in the forehead with the NERF gun. Watching their imperfectly perfect lives as they explain how they wish they would have traveled more, I converse with mutual envy towards their lives. Don’t get me wrong, traveling out across the world has been nothing short of spectacular, but I often find myself asking questions like “should I have focused more on a career? or possibly focused more on love?” Even the question: “why am I still traveling at my advanced age?” Simply, I’m doubting everything I’ve done!

The Young Traveler

I remember one summer afternoon sitting at my friend Joe’s house with about 8 friends just hanging out. A commercial about the Cannibus Cup appeared on the TV. We all glamorized how cool it would be to go when Joe mentioned that his brother lived in Amsterdam. That’s when the light bulb went off in my head! For months, I made comments and dropped hints to my parents about buying me a ticket to visit Joe’s brother. More often than not met with half hearted agreements and eye rolls.

It was December 25, 2001, I remember opening all my Christmas presents and none of them were a plane ticket. My mom leans over and hands me a small shoe box. I open it and find a lot of red paper with a toy plane on the bottom and that’s all. With excitement I look at my parents waiting for them to hand me the ticket… nothing! Just a handful of red wrapping paper and a silly ass toy plane. Suddenly and quietly my mom says, “keep looking!” My hand dug a little deeper and there it was… my golden ticket to Amsterdam. I spent the next 6 months working tirelessly until I saved over $700 to blow on hookers and blow at the Red Light district! Just kidding… but I did get there, but that’s for later.

Vancouver, Canada

Looking back at that first trip gives me goosebumps because I think of all the life lessons I was learning and the reasons why my parents let me go. In the article, “Travel When Young? Or Travel When Old?” By the Holy Smithereens, they state 3 good reasons to travel when you’re at young are:

– Zero commitment

– You’re physically able

– Bonding and learning

I couldn’t agree more! First, I had zero commitments or responsibilities; I lived with my parents who paid for the ticket, had a girlfriend at the time, but was not married and had no kids. Plus, I had $700 greenbacks and no parents to supervise. We know what that meant… HIGH TIMES!!! Lastly, the learning and bonding was amazing! Over the course of the next week, Joe and I explored the streets of Amsterdam stopping at Anne Frank’s House, the Heineken Brewery, and had a drunken night around the “Red Light district” as Joe tried to figure out a plan to give the women of the Red Lights a “better life.” The things we do when we’re young, dumb, and drunk. Several days later, Joe’s brother bought us train tickets to Paris where we saw the Louvre, walked the Champs-Elysees and saw the grave of Joe’s idol, Jim Morrison. It was a trip that spurred my curiosity and expanded my scope to explore more of Europe and the world.

Hangzhou, China

I’ve made friends from over 30 countries while visiting places such as the Ukraine, Switzerland, Austria, and Japan. I’ve lived on two different continents; it has been 20 years of endless memories and funny stories about getting into odd and weird conversations. Like the time “Tiger”, a student at the preschool I worked at, asked me, “Oree Laoshu (teacher), why is your nose so big?” Followed by “why do you have such big feet?” as he tried to rub the “paint” off my hand. I was the first black person that he and many of the other children had ever seen in person and I enjoyed sharing in their inner curiosity of the world around them. I ate lunch with the children and gave them free English lessons, meanwhile, they became my Chinese teachers. Mutually beneficial and fun for them, especially when I didn’t notice that my lunch was horse intestines or cow’s liver. It was good though!

Whether meeting some random new friends from a hostel, finding a group to play football with, or finding love that came and went, traveling in my twenties and early thirties has been like a rollercoaster to the most epic proportions. It is a high like no other, but it’s a high nonetheless. Like someone who needs coffee, you have to drink more and more coffee each day to get the same rush, but at some point you either can’t get enough coffee to satisfy you or you realize you have to stop. And that is the very conundrum I find myself in and asking now at age of 42.

The Mature Traveler

As someone who is single with no kids, hearing the phrase “I live vicariously through you” makes me appreciate their sentiments greatly because I am sure many couples find traveling in their current circumstances far more difficult. With financial/marital commitments, plus the physical demands of sitting on a plane for six plus hours only to spend the rest of a holiday exploring for hours is not easy. Unless your feet are propped up on a beach chair under an umbrella! Then more power to you! But the worst is when you add children into the equation, especially the crying ones. We’ve all seen it, the little hoodbooger that adamantly wants the overpriced trinket strategically placed at the front of the store and belts out that eyeball piercing high pitched whine of death accompanied by their floor backstroke or coincidental` case of Tourette’s syndrome. Who wants to deal with that? Despite the difficulties of traveling as a more mature adult there are some advantages to being an older traveler as stated by Rough Guides article, “6 reasons traveling gets better as you get older” which are:

Biarritz, France

– There’s less pressure

– You can travel when you like

– You know what you want

– You can really live your dream

– A digital detox is achievable

– It can make you healthier and happier

For many mature adults there is less pressure to get a job, settle down and have kids because either it’s already been accomplished or it’s not a focal point. Second, by now adults are more financially free and don’t have to wait for someone to book a flight and a hotel. Third, we know a little more about ourselves and what we want which is directly connected to the next point… we can go wherever we’ve really wanted to go and live out a dream from our bucket list. Lastly, as an older adult it’s easier to get away from social media, leave your phone in the room and just explore. Coupled together, this list equates to being happier and healthier. Be honest, who wouldn’t want to be traveling to a far off place, eating good food, seeing wonderful sights that we chose and paid for? Traveling with a little salt and pepper on the chin or in your hair is a wonderful experience that has allowed me to choose the moments I want to have, while minimizing the headaches and heartaches that arise from being young, dumb and easily influenced, such as quitting my job and moving to Finland!

Lancaster, PA, 2021

Now what?

Currently, my life entails the best of both worlds, good and bad. I am unmarried without children, financially stable, in great physical shape, and possess more curiosity driven focus than ever. In addition, I live a very sporadic life that is all over the place. I don’t have a “home” or many possessions, and find myself alone… A LOT! For me, as I’ve gotten older I have realized the world is the same just to different degrees. I may not drink as much or have as many intense and awe inspiring memories but I do have a lot of amazing little moments like having a child say “hello” to me in German, French, or Finnish followed by a huge smile from their parent. Even the fear I experience is different. Rather experiencing the anxiety over asking someone if they can understand me in English when I ask where the bathroom is, I hope I understand when the cashier asks me if I want my receipt. It’s a struggle but, I wouldn’t trade the anxiety of getting off a plane in Beijing at 1.30am with four other Americans who I met thirty seconds ago and try to find our way home for anything. Hence, it doesn’t matter when or how I travel, the choice is mine and I am going to enjoy the here and now!

Today is a new day and many old traditions are dying as the world is telling more and more to us: do what you want. It’s not about what is right or wrong, but what is right or wrong for each of us. To those young readers, go out and see the world and make mistakes because you WILL make mistakes. Just learn from them. For the mature reader, it’s never too late to start so hand off those little babuskas to ya-ya and kick rocks! The secret sauce to travel is being in the moment. Allow the past to be the past and don’t worry about the future because the journey is worth much more than the destination!

Bon voyage!

#moments #travel #meditation #mindfulness #where #time